"Leave the Eucharist, Take the Cannolis"
Leave the Eucharist, Take the Cannolis
The Catholic Church has been in the news. Maybe you’ve read a bit about the “Eucharistic Coherence” matter, and the group of United States bishops who have tried to muscle President Joseph Biden on his pro-choice views. These bishops think the president’s views on abortion should disqualify him from bellying up to the altar to receive Holy Communion on Sunday. Not only is this garbage theology; it’s also a gangster move. But how many organizations besides the actual Mob find themselves routinely investigated for violations that would, were the United States not seeded with Catholic juris doctors, RICO Violations. (E.g. trafficking children while laundering money.) Many folks outside the Catholic Church are interested in this issue, but Catholic Church particulars can be hard to fathom and parse. Although I am a Catholic with lots of church work experience and a theology degree, I’ve found that what my experience growing up in New York City around cops and robbers (My father was a NYPD cop, and the candy store of my childhood was a bookie joint.) has been invaluable in understanding the internal workings (from without) of the Roman Catholic hierachy.
The Capo di Tutti Capi
The institutional Catholic Church and the mob are both hierarchical. Obviously the pope is the “capo di tutti capi,” the don, who wears the ring one kisses.
Underbosses
Next are the underbosses. Underbosses have the ear of the Don. Cardinals, who comprise the Roman Curia and College of Cardinals, have the ear of the pope. All underbosses are “capi” (plural for “heads,” or “captains”) but not all capi are underbosses. Similarly, all cardinals are bishops, but not all bishops are cardinals. Underbosses have “territories.” Archbishops and cardinals have “dioceses” and “archdioceses.”
Made Guys and Soldiers
“Made guys” undergo an initiation in which a capo pricks the candidate’s finger. The finger then bleeds on a holy card as he sets the card on fire. The card burns as the man about to be “made” pledges the “Omerta.”
An “ordinand” in the Catholic Church pledges unfailing fealty to their bishop (capo) who clasps his hands of the man as he blesses them. Omerta entails an explicit vow not to report criminal activity to authorities. In the Catholic syndicate, the requirement to refrain from reporting crimes is implicit.
A “made guy” or a “soldier” in the mob operates under the protection of his capo. A “made guy” in the Catholic Church, a priest, in other words, operates under the protection of his bishop.
Because both syndicates have their roots in feudal patriarchy, each is thoroughly misogynistic. Only men, of course, can became “soldiers” and priests.
Associates
“Associates” in both the mob and the Catholic Church syndicate are the people at the base of the power structure who do the work of the mob and ”the church” without being official members of the hierarchical structure — and without the protections that made guys enjoy. Associates crave proximity to made guys, and they like their outfits. Hence, the preponderance in Catholicworld, of adult altar boys. Accessories in the Catholic Church want to call priests by their forenames and host celebrations of Holy Mass in their living rooms. Associates are often content to do the work of made guys or soldiers, but they do so without the protection of the boss or underbosses.
The best example of “associates” who do the work of “made guys” without the benefit of protection from the capo di tutti capi might be nuns. This analysis is complex, however, because in the United States, nuns often stake out and control their own territories. Many nuns are more badass than any racketeer, and have no trouble telling capi where to stick it.
Remember that Nevada senator in Godfather II who got caught in a brothel bed with a butchered sex worker? He was an associate. Many Catholic Syndicate “associates” are politically powerful.
How else were they able to take over the Supreme Court of the United States?
One of the most puissant Catholic Church associates in recent years was Donald Trump, who, ironically, perhaps, enjoyed double-belonging status as an associate in both “rackets.” Trump was able to buy at least one Catholic Church (New York’s) College of Cardinals underboss.
But not all Catholic Church associates are wealthy and powerful. Catholic universities and publishing groups are among the most powerful Catholic Church associates, because they are indirect “earners.” Their optics strategies bring in a lot of money. They help to increase the fold by making the Catholic Church look legit, even in the face of its child trafficking cover up and Vatican bank scandals.
Consiglieri
The matter of the consigliere is interesting, because in most crime syndicates, the don has a chief consigliere, whereas the Vatican Crime Syndicate, at least in the United States, has whole “white shoe” law firms and Catholic judges at the ready, every time they are caught committing crimes. Members of the Catholic media and Sacred Theology experts in academia often act as unofficial consiglieri as well.
Common Practices: Hitting the Mattresses, Extortion,
When news of a conflict among the families breaks, soldiers and capi of both syndicates hit the mattresses.
Crime Families
In the United States, the families would be the two or three most famous schismatic trad groups — there are se and the orders with the most political power: Mel Gibson’s cult, Legionaries of Christ (whose leader allegedly raped his own kid) and Opus Dei might be considered “families.” I’d throw in the “Jesuit fandom” as well.
Going Legit
Anyone who has watched the Godfather knows how going legit in organized crime works. When the New York City gangsters carry the statue of the Blessed Virgin with dollar bills pinned onto her dress through the streets of New York, support a children’s hospital, they purchase legitimacy. But for the church, such image-burnishing is small potatoes. The Catholic Church knows that the church has always availed itself of the best public relations expertise money can buy. Take a peek at the boards of directors for the Vatican Dicastery for Communications or the Eternal World Television Network to see how this works today.
Earners
In the rackets, made guys who are earners become capi. The same holds true for soldiers (priests) in the church. Not only does being “an earner” help a priest (made guy) become a capi (bishop), it can also render him “untouchable.” (E.g.: Theodore (“Uncle Ted”) McCarrick.)
When a church in a “territory,” fails to pay the vigorish, the underboss (diocese head) sometimes turns “button man,” and puts a contract out on that parish, but beyond that, Catholic Church underbosses tend to be more polite about extortion.
Who needs a leg-breaker when you have the threat of eternal damnation to dangle? Or can “do a job” on the President of the United States by symbolically beating his about the head with a ciborium?